My sister is on an adult dating site

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We have two adult sons and a comfortable London home; I have a fulfilling career as a journalist and artist, plenty of friends and a much-loved dog.

And yet I have lived my entire adult life in the shadow of the most awful family tragedy, harbouring scars so deep that my body has suffered as well as my spirit, though it has taken me all these years to realise it.

When I went on to have our sons, Constantin, now 22, and Ivan, 20, my sister’s loss really hit me.

New life was coming and all I could think about was disease and death: my doctor said I knew more about about foetal illnesses than he did.

Well, I have always suspected that my mother would still be here if Tasha hadn’t died in such brutal, shocking circumstances.At times this has been so bad, I have been taken into hospital.Apparently 90 per cent of serotonin (the ‘feelgood’ hormone) is produced in the digestive tract.In my late teens, I struggled to eat anything and fell into the grip of anorexia.Since my 20s, I have been blighted by irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) which causes the most crippling stomach pains as my gut goes into spasm.

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